1/25/17: Marcus Smart Celebrates, and Rutger Rust Works the Phones

[The familiar AAW logo appears on the screen and fades out, replaced by a jerky, shaky video of Marcus Smart, dressed in his metalhead civvies and familiar sleeveless Section 14 hoodie, the AAW World Championship belt draped over his shoulder. Fans in Section 14 t-shirts and trilbies flank him on either side. The video is less clean and clear than typical AAW promos, more like smartphone footage than a video camera. A caption across the bottom reads “Sent to AAW Studios Earlier Today”]

“It’s a glorious day here in San Luis Obispo,” Marcus says, flashing a hyena grin. “For months now, the Real Fans of wrestling have been demanding a real champion be crowned to replace the clown Ace Andrews installed in the top spot. Poor Tyrone in the back has been beside himself trying to keep up with all the online petitions. Well, as of last Sunday” -- Marcus lifts up the belt -- “your prayers have been answered. The Hero of the Internet, the Savior of Wrestling, the VIP of Section 14, is now the AAW World Champion.

“Yeah, a couple folks booed. Some insist I cheated. But ‘cheating’ and ‘honor’ are just words thrown around by lazy marks who can’t wrap their minds around superior tactics. It’s not their fault, I mean, what do you expect from Cal Poly students, right?”

Marcus chuckles, then lowers his brows as he gets serious.

“Now, listen, I know everyone who knows the difference between a lariat and a clothesline is celebrating right now, but I need you to be quiet. Because, surprise, us real-wrestling rebels already have a problem. See, the Real Fans who were in attendance at Winter of Our Discontent didn’t get their money’s worth. When I finally beat that cowardly circus-act Ron Steele clean in the center of the ring, I climbed the turnbuckles to celebrate with all of you, the smart, educated fans who were cheering for the end of their long nightmare, only to be subject to a callow, craven attack from behind by none other than…” He lets out a shaky breath through clenched teeth. “...Rutger Rust.

“Rutger Rust. That’s right. The man who cost me my guaranteed win at Season’s Beatings. The man who keeps preaching about inclusion and equality but can’t see the corruption in front of his face. The man whose entire arsenal is picking you up and putting you back down while insisting you be nicer. When I emerged victorious, despite all the rigging by his puppeteer Ace Andrews, he had to come in and spoil Section 14’s celebration by spearing their new champion before his name was even announced!”

Marcus closes his eyes and grinds his teeth, halfway composing himself.

“But I’ll make it right, Real Fans. I’ll make it right. Me and Section 14” -- he claps one of the men flanking him on the shoulder -- “will ensure that you -- that they -- are reminded every. Single. Night who your champion -- your champion -- is. And as for Rutger Rust...he wants to come at the Black Ace? Fine. This’ll play out the same way it has for all the crusaders and paladins who came before him: Staring up at the lights, listening to the ref count three, wishing they could get their body and mind to move with the acrobatic efficiency of a real wrestler like me.

“Ace, give your football washout his shot. Section 14’s champion is waiting for him, and your booking doesn’t matter when your champ fights smart.

“Section 14 out.”

[The video cuts to black.]

Later on, we have a moving camera shot, walking into a modest call center, where a couple rows of people are making phone calls. The camera scans around a bit, and eventually finds Rutger Rust sitting on one end of the row wearing a headset. As the cameraperson approaches, Rutger holds up a finger in clear impersonation of Marcus' regular interactions with Tom Spiracy, only with a polite and apologetic smile. He puts a hand over his ear to better hear. "Yes, fantastic. So, I'm glad we can count on you to stand with Planned Parenthood. I've emailed you the list of numbers to call, so you should be all set!...no, thank you, ma'am. Together we can make a difference. Have a great day." Rutger waits a moment, then removes the headset. "Hey, thank y'all so much for waiting. So, yeah, I wanted to talk to y'all about that little speech that Marcus Smart gave earlier. Good stuff, wasn't it? Guy knows how to work a mic, I tell you what." Rutger laughs and smiles. "You know, I always find it kinda...funny when people that are positively saturated with privilege complain about being persecuted. Marcus cheats, he takes advantage of everyone around him, he manipulates all those well-meaning fans from Section 41. Hmm? Oh, right, sorry. 14. Hard to tell when he's holding his hands up like that." "But you know, I respect Marcus' passion. We may not...no, we definitely don't agree on a lot of things, but that's okay. But now, you see, here's the thing, right? I know he's good enough to win without all the cheating and duplicitous stuff he does. I don't want him to lose the belt..." and here Rutger smirks, "well, maybe I do just a bit. But really? I just want him to remember what it's like to win honestly. No eye gouging, no Section 14 interference. Just him and his natural talent." Rutger shrugs. "But if he's gonna keep on flaunting the rules, keep pretending that the *law* doesn't exist...well, then I reckon I'm just gonna have to keep picking him up and putting him back down again until he agrees to be nicer. And keep putting him down harder and harder until he gets the point." "Now, pardon me, but I have some business to get back to. Thank you very much for coming up here for this, Tom. I really appreciate this, and all the hard work you do to make the show work every week." Rutger puts his headset back on as the camera fades out.